can you blame me?

So I'm a little pissed right now. My friend and I were planning going to China next year so she can meet her online BF of three years. I am a pretty protective person when it comes to my friends and family and I wanted to make sure that she didn't get hurt or ya know sold into some sex slavery thing. I've been really, really, really excited about going. I mean come on, it's friggin' CHINA!! I love to travel and just the thought of actually going to a different country and going sightseeing and experiencing another culture was insaneley exciting to me.

Not 20 minutes ago via facebook I found out that evidently we're not going to China anymore. Hmmm.... nobody told me about this! I was seriously contemplating not going on some of my other trips next year just so I could make sure I had enough money for China. Don't get me wrong, if we're not going because she broke up with her BF that's fine. Not a big deal. The thing that makes me so pissed is that she never told me anything. Nothing. At all. I had to find it out from facebook.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

the sad, life is horribly sucky post

my life has been really difficult lately. ok scratch that. not difficult per se, more like craptastic. as you all know from my previous post i had a little issue with my jaw moving where it was never intended it to go. that sucked. then i had my birthday which i cried through because of my jaw and those pesky things called hormones. then the next day i went to LA for a 5 day business trip where i worked 14 hours a day and got sick. yes that's right. as if my life had already sucked enough lets add a runny nose, chest congestion, sneezing, sore ears and throat and sinus pressure to the mix. when i got home i stayed in bed for three days and then went on another business trip to Minneapolis for four days. i was finally starting to feel better the day i left and then the day before i came home i started a hacking, wheezing cough, fever, chills and more chest congestion. i went to work and felt like i was going to die so i decided to stay home yesterday and went to the doctor in case i needed to be put down or at the very least quarantined. the doctor came into the room where i was patiently waiting for him and asked about my symptoms and took a swab of my nose for the h1n1 test. he then turned around and asked if my primary care physician had ever mentioned having the lap band procedure done. i said no and he said that i needed to ask my doctor about it because it's helped so many people lose hundreds of pounds. he then began telling me that he thinks the cough is because of "all the extra weight being placed on my chest". needless to say i was speechless, hurt, angry, murderess and, most of all, humiliated. i just couldn't believe that he felt the need to suggest that i have a major surgery done. yes, i know i'm fat but was it really his place to suggest something like this? especially since i was seeing him because i was sick? i just don't understand why/how he could think that the "extra pressure" on my chest could cause my to have flu like symptoms. bloody hell i'd been sick for a week and half, it's not like i gained this weight in a week a half. and i highly doubt that being fat could cause you to have a runny and stuffy nose. what a dick head. seriously. unfortunately, i couldn't say anything to him or ask him why the eff he felt the need to "discuss" it. all i could do was give him my best if-you-say-another-word-i-will-murder-you look. i don't think it worked very well. i left a few minutes later with a prescription for flu medication and antibiotics "just in case" my being sick wasn't caused by fatness. i cannot even begin to explain to you how horrid and disgusting i felt and still feel about me. i didn't feel like going home (i hate letting people see me cry) so i decided to go for a drive to clear my head and hopefully calm down. I ended up at the draper temple and just sat there for a while listening to the motab and crying and pouring my heart out to Heavenly Father. I still feel like the worst person ever today but i do think that my little trip to the temple and my prayer helped calm me. I was actually able to fall asleep last night rather than stay up crying the entire time like i normally would have done.

i don't what this all means. it's just what i'm going through right now.

it's my birthday and i'll cry if i want to

yeah, can I just tell you how much today just royally sucked. like majorly sucked. as in the worst birthday i've ever had in my long life of 24 years. seriously. I will break it down for you pictorial style.

1. on the way home from my birthday weekend avec ma mere in the city of cedars my jaw decides it doesn't like it's current abode and shifts to the far left resulting in...

snaggletooth/underbite of horror. sick i know. i won't take it personally if you have to look away. i'd escape it too except... well it's ma face!

2. i go to the emergency room where i pay muchos money for lotso' exrays just to have them say "hey we don't know what's wrong with you but here's a bunch o' pain pills for you to enjoy"

oh gee, thanks doc.

3. wake up this morning to find that a) my face is no longer quite so screwed up, i now just have an under bite and b) loads and loads of pain accompany the unscrewing of ma facial sctructure.

4. go to work on a day that i had originally requested off in january to find a butt load of work to do all whilst trying to contact an oral (haha!) surgeon to look at my jaw

did i mention that i also leave for a business trip tomorrow in the a.m.?

hmmm.....

5. called 15 dentist only to be turned away because either: they don't deal with TMJ issues, they don't see new patients on mondays or they don't have an open appointment for a

MONTH!!!

seriously? that's laaaaaaaammmmmeeee!

6. then i cried...

and cried... and called more dentists... and cried some more

7. and then i worked almost 9 hours straight while trying not to cry anymore.

note the sadness.

yes. i am an awesome stick figureist. word.

and now my dears i must finish packing. gotta be up at 4 in the a.m. tomorrow. yay!

:0(

*kloveyabye*

p.s.

though today might have been a pretty craptastic day, it's crappiness was lessened by the well wishes from all of my friends. i thank and love you all muchos.

p.s.s.

also, the fact that my birthday weekend was awesome also helped lessen the pain. thanks mudder pie for such an awesome weekend!