marriage is what brings us together today?

I was pretty discouraged today. A couple coworkers and I were having a discussion on marriage. Well, they had a discussion about marriage while I listened in amazement. Not because it was necessarily an enlightening conversation but because of how negative it was.

They were talking about how difficult it is, and how annoying/frustrating your partner can be, and how demanding they can be. They were talking about how all it is a piece of paper and it doesn’t really mean anything.

Now that I’m sitting here and writing about it it doesn’t seem nearly as bad. But while it was going on I couldn’t help thinking how sad it was that they had these views about something as sacred as marriage. It seemed completely foreign to me.

I’m not one to put marriage on a pedestal and think that once I get married life will be perfect and wonderful forever and ever. I come from a broken family. I come from the second of three failed marriages. I have glimpsed what it takes to make a marriage work and what it takes to make it fail. I know that it’s not easy. That both parties have to work hard at it. That both parties have to be willing to do what it takes to make it work. I also know that focusing on the bad stuff will ruin any relationship.

People are annoying. Period. We all come from different backgrounds, values, etc. We are all individuals. That’s how our Heavenly Father made us. He made us to be different. He made men and women to be different because those differences put together make a whole. What one lacks the other makes up for. That’s how it’s supposed to be. That’s how it is.

With my background and the things I have seen and lived through I can honestly say that marriage scares me. To be that open with someone is really, really frightening to me. But I want to get married. I want to be with someone who gets me, who I can be completely open with and still know that they can love me for who I am, issues and all. I love thinking about spending all of eternity with my best friend. That is what marriage is to me and I can’t wait to take that journey.

*kloveyabye*

P.S.

You must see this movie. EPIC!

goals for the new year

In 2010 I've decided that I really want to work on me and becoming a better more awesomer me. Yes I said awesomer. Yes I know it's not really a word. But it should be.

So this is my list of things to become even more awesomer at for 2010.

1. Be more positive about myself. I have a truly horrible tendency to put myself down about anything and everything. This year I want to strive to build myself up instead. In order to do this is have decided to concentrate on what I do like about myself and recite a mantra whenever I do feel down. I've been saying this mantra for a little while now and it's actually worked.

"I am a good person. I am beautiful. I am interesting and have many things to share with others. I am loveable. My family loves me. My friends love me. My Heavenly Father loves me."

2. I want to be more involved in church. I want to be active in church. Not just physically but spiritually.

I love love LOVE the Draper Temple and I often go there when I need to think or when I just feel down. I am always in awe of it's beauty and the magnificence of what it holds. I want to be able to go into the temple and not just stand outside it looking in. I want to be in it. To feel the Spirit so deeply while doing His work. I miss that feeling and I want it back so very badly.

In order to this I need to fully commit to being an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I will pray to my Heavenly Father and Savior regularly with an open heart and mind, I will read and ponder the scriptures daily, I will pay full tithing every paycheck, I will learn to rely upon my Savior and others when I need help, I will fulfill my calling to the best of my ability, I will attend church every Sunday and really pay attention to the lessons given. I will do the things which the Lord hath commanded so that I may go to his House once again.

3. I am going to be a nicer person. I am generally a nice person but my thoughts are sometimes not so nice. I feel like I've become hardened. I get annoyed too easily by little petty things and I make them into big things which makes me become some witch of person. It's pretty nor is it ok. This year I strive to keep petty things from getting me angry and focus on the things and, more importantly, people I love.

4. I am going to gain health. I need to lose weight. There's no hiding from that fact. But the idea of losing weight seems to have bad connotations to me. No one ever likes to lose things. So I have decided to approach it from a more positive angle and decide to gain health.

I have always been a big person. I don't ever remember not being overweight. It's all I have ever known and it's scary to think that my life is going to change. The way people act and react will change around me. But I need to do it. I don't need to be a super skinny person who wears a size 2. That's not me and I need to be me - a healthier me.

And in order to do that I need to eat healthy home cooked foods. I need to limit the number of times I go out to eat. When I do go out, I need to make healthier choices in what and how much I eat. I need to stop making food the enemy. It is what gives me energy so I can work, go to school and be with my family and friends. I need to learn to work with it not against it. I need to drink more water and cut down on all the soda. I need to exercise daily so that my muscles will get stronger and my heart healthier. I enjoy working out. It makes me feel good and alive.

5. School will be my main focus. School is what will get me to where I want to be. But it won't happen if I don't make it a priority. I will remember that getting a good grade in class is worth more than watching The Office.

I think that's about it. I have lots of stuff to work on this year but it's going to be good and very exciting. I'll keep you posted on things.

What are your goals for the new year?

*kloveyabye*

christmas 2009 round 2

These are my favorite pictures from Christmas

classic RyRy

usually he enjoys my hugs...

ladies and gents, Elvis is now in the building

grrrrrrrrrrr

the lovely miss Haley

i was trying to imitate the dance moves in Night at the Roxbury,

I don't think it worked...

fin

christmas 2009

Christmas was awesome this year. I cooked dinner for everyone and it turned out delicious! I had planned to take pics of all of the food once it was ready but I forgot. Too bad cuz it was good and it looked good. I'm just happy everything

was edible cuz that doesn't always happen.... like last year. But we won't talk about that. Here are some pics of the festivities...

the table

the ham

the cook

the eldest niece and the mudder

the brother

the sister-in-law

the little niece

the nephew

five minutes ago....

.... I was in the lobby area of my office when Mr. Handsome walked in. I was just about to leave so I walked behind Mr. handsome on my way back to my side of the building when he mentioned that he really didn't want to be here today and asked if I was here all day. I opened my mouth to answer him and took a breath, evidently forgetting that I was still swallowing some water. I choked - a lot - and he kinda chuckled and asked if I was ok. I waived that I was fine and then tried to look as though I had regained my composure by answering his question. "Yes", I choked out, "I'm here all week unfortunately."

He turned around with a puzzled look on his face and said "All week? Even Friday?"

I replied, still trying to hold back my choking coughs,"Yep, though I only work a half day that day. It's next week that I have a couple days off."

"Really?", said he. "What groups do you have that would even be open for anything that day? Or do you just have a lot of work that day?"

I was somewhat puzzled by this time, it's not like we were the only business open on Christmas eve. "No, I have absolutely nothing to occupy my time. But the office is open until 1:00 that day so I'm here."

"Really? On Friday?"

And then it dawned on me, Friday is Christmas not Christmas Eve. facepalm!

"Umm wait, Friday is Christmas huh? Hello! I meant Thursday." > insert nervous laughter < "Uhhh yeah no we're not open that day..."

"Oh, well that's good." he said.

Then I ran away and cried. Not really but my confidence is deflated by like a bagillion percent.