2011 is gonna rock your (my) socks off!

Oh hello.

Hows it goin? Good? Good.

Yeah things are going pretty well here. No compalints. Ok that was a lie. I have complaints. More like annoyances really. But lets not talk about that. Lets talk about something different. Something that nobody else in the world is talking about right now, nope not one single person. Lets talk about....

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!!!!!!

yay, aren't you so freaking excited?? I know I am!  :D

So I am not going to talk about last year's resolutions because they were a bust. However, I will tell you some pretty kick ass news about something else I posted, specifically about turning 25. In my post I was talking about how I wanted to make my 25th year the best year of my life thus far. I know its only been a couple of months but I can honestly say mission accomplished!!! Booo-freaking-yaaaaahhhh!

I don't know what it was exactly but something inside me just clicked and I realized that I need to stop sitting on my butt compalining about how I never do anything and never see anyone and just get out there and do. Be proactive. I've made  apoint of spending time with my friends and actually like contatcing them. I've made it  a point tio accept invites to parties and to be socialable. I'm even talking on the phone again. For long periods of time. Do you have any idea how huge that is for me?????? I used to HATE talking on the phone. My longest phone calls were to my mom an dthey'd usually last about 5 minutes. But now, I can just talk, and talk and talk. And I like it. It's been so much fun catching up with friends and it's made me realize that I'm not boring. I have things to say, thoughts to share, stories to tell, etc. It's been great!

One of the best things that has come from this is that I a lot more confidence. I don't fee l like some weird loner girl who has no one. I feel like awesome and loved, not just by other people but by myself as well.

It's seriously been fantastic and I cant wait for the awesomeness to continue!

Ok so now for this year's goals:

 1.  Live a healthier lifestyle - this is one from 2010's goals which is still something I need to work on in a big way. As I've always said, I don't want to be stick thin. I don't care about the number on the scale, it is what it is. I care more about how I feel and right now I don't feel healthy. I want to get back to the way I felt in High School. I was still definitely over weight then but I was eating well and exercising regularly. I could drop to the floor and give you 50 sit ups with no problem. And whats more is that I actually enjoyed it! I loved learning new techniques and feeling the burn that comes when you use your muscles.

This year I want to get back to that. It's going to be hard especially with the schedule I have come March but I can and will do it.

2. Be more involved in church - this is also from 2010's list. I have a difficulttime explaining why this one is such a big issue for me. All my reasons sound and probably are petty and ridiculous but they're big enough to stop me from fully committing myself to the gospel. I love it. I do. And I know that my life has always been better when I make it a priority but I am still struggling. I just need to man up and grow a pair. (was that a little too sacrilegious?)

3. Be a more positive/nicer person - part of this is from 2010 again. I'm starting to think I should have put more work into those sheesh! Generally I don't think of myself as bad or mean or negative person but I do find that I tend to swing that way pretty easily, especially when I'm driving. This year I want to be better about taking a breather when I start to feel/get this way and reflect on why its happening and how I can turn it into something more positive.

4. Date more - maybe this should be at the top of my list? I don't if many of you know this but I had a very, very long dry spell in the dating department. Three years to be exact. Well maybe four, but I think it was three. Anyway, it was a long time.

In teh beginning I took a haitus because I was just having one bad date right after the other. It was like all the guys had joined forces to ensure that each date got worse. The final straw was when this guy brought his friend with him and talked to him the entire night, completely ignoring me. Right around the time I was about to start dating again was when things in my personal life got messy and I ended up with some pretty big issues that needed work asap. It took me a long, long time to work through these issues because I was scared. So very scared of living again and opening myself up to people again. Issues that are just now finally being resolved.

I do want to get married some day and start a family. But that day will never come if i don't date more often. I'm now getting back into the dating scene but need to make more of an effort in 2011.

5. Get a handle on my finances - bloody hell I hate money and my relationship with it. I really need to reevaluate my budget and plan something that is more livable than what I have right now. It may mean extending the time it will take to pay off my debt but that is okay if it means I can stay within my means more easliy.

umm ok love ya bye  

Letters #1

Dear Self,

Do you remember Thanksgiving and how glorious it was? Do you remember being able to eat and not feeling like you were going to die of pain afterward? Wasn't it wonderful?

Do you remember the pizza incident? Yeah, it was bad. Really bad. The pain was so bad that you were practically bed ridden  the entire night.

So why? Why do you keep doing it? Why do you keep eating things with gluten when you know what it will do to you? Do you want to feel like holes are being burned through your stomach repeatedly? Because that's exactly what will happen if you continue.

So please remember Thanksgiving dinner. Remember that it is possible and easy to eat gluten free with a little planning.

love,
me and your tummy

Dear makers of this sweater,

If only I could make you understand how much I love and long for this sweater. Sadly, it cannot be mine since you do not make it in a plus size. Why is this? It is a very flattering style for bigger girls and I wouldn't think it'd be that much work to make it a size or two larger.

I mean come on, if you think skinny jeans flatter us (which they don't - trust me!) why not this sweater??

love,
me




















Dear cute boy,

You are cute but also frustrating.
I want to talk to you, I do, but not if I'm the only one carrying the conversation.
Next time, hows about you ask me some questions, deal?

love,
me
















Dear handsome/sexy/rakish man,

I like you.
Do you like me?
I honestly don't know sometimes.
Some days its yes. Some days no.
Right when I start to get you out of my head you do something to catch my attention again.
I'm so confused.

love,
me


















Dear California Screamin',

I thought you were going to kill me. But you didn't. Instead you let me over come my fears of roller coasters and allowed me to have an awesome time.

Thank you. Love you long time.

love,
me

Dear Patrick,

I am muchos excited to start training classes with you tomorrow. I know you will love them and you will catch on quickly because you are a super smart puppy.

You are adorable, especially when you make that groaning sound when I rub your ears. And when you tilt your head to the side when you're trying to figure something out.

Silly little boy.

Love,
me











Dear video,



I find you ridiculously hilarious.

love,
me





Dear Riley,

I adore you. You are such a good, sweet tempered little lady and I am so blessed to be your person.

Thank you for keeping me company when I'm sick. Thank you for the cuddles and sweet kisses. Thank you for being such a good pup pup.

But please stop sitting next to my bed at 4 AM staring at me. Its creepy.

Love you!

love,
me







Dear sign,

I really wish you said "Tasty Wieners".

love,
me

It's my Birthday!!!

Today is my birthday. I am officially 25. I am a quarter of a century.

As many of you know I have been Freaking out (with a capitol F!) about turning 25.

Not necessarily because I think it’s old because it’s not.

I think it’s more the fact that I don’t feel like I am 25.

I feel so much younger, like I did right after high school and that just seems incongruous with being 25.

I also think it has to do with the fact that I haven’t accomplished very many of the goals I set out to achieve by this age. I admit that I feel like a failure sometimes because of this and I think that may be the biggest issue I’ve had with this birthday.

However, everything has changed the last couple of days.

I had my birthday party on Friday where I had originally planned on going to dinner at a restaurant with my friends. Seeing as how I am in my mid-twenties I thought it would be the correct adult thing to do.

But then, I decided that I didn’t really want to do that.

I wanted to do something fun, something I loved when I was younger.

I wanted a sleep over!

And that is what I did. It was awesome and so much fun!

I got to spend time with people I love and adore and I got to be me.

Then the following day I was talking to my neighbor who mentioned something that really struck a chord with me. She said that when she was 25 it was her best year ever.

Simple right?

But oh so eye opening.

It made me realize that I can make this year be “the best year ever” just by being me.

And accepting me. I don’t have to conform to what I think a 25 year old should do or not do.

There is no wrong or right other than doing what makes me feel good and happy.

So this year, my 25th, will be awesome

because I will make it so!

Terrilyn Folkman Grundvig

On September 10th my sister in law TerriLyn passed away after a long battle with cancer. She was diagnosed with breast cancer about 4 years ago and went into remission after about a year. In September of 2009 we learned that the cancer had come back and had spread to her bones and liver and that it was incurable. She went through many difficult treatments in order to keep it from progressing as quickly, always with the knowledge that the treatments would eventually stop working. In August she came back from a wonderful visit to Seattle where she grew up only to find out that the treatments weren't working anymore and the cancer's growth had accelerated to the point where there was no healthy liver tissue left. Being the fighter she is they opted for one more treatment, one more miracle. Sadly the treatment was too much for her body to handle and she was hospitalized with an infection. She stayed in the hospital for close to three weeks, being visited almost constantly by large groups of people whose lives she had touched just by being her.

 On Friday September 10, 2010 I received I received a call from my brother telling me to get to the hospital ASAP. I raced there to find that her kidneys were failing and that her time here on earth was coming to an end quickly. The day was long, full of waiting and tears. What I remember the most was the amount of love felt in the room by all those who surrounded her. By the love that was given in the prayers said by her father and my brother. I thought about how we, being imperfect beings, can show that much love and kindness to one person how must it feel to be in the presence of our Heavenly Father and Saviour? Even now my heart breaks at the thought of what all of radiating love must feel lie. And at that moment I was able to let TL go because I knew for all the love we possessed for her she was going to be enveloped in that a thousand times more at least.

After almost an entire day TL's vital signs were starting to stabilize and I decided to go home and do some much needed laundry before I came back later that night. Not too long after I got home (9:55 PM exactly) my niece Haley called me saying I needed to come now as fast as I could. I threw on whatever I could find and flew like the wind. I was almost there when Haley called again to say she was gone. I assured her I'd be there as soon as I could. My thoughts during that time were jumbled but the two I remember the most were 1. I am so glad I was able to say my goodbye's to her earlier and 2. I need to hurry and be there for my family. When I arrived and walked out of the elevator door I immediately found Haley and then Gabrielle and Ryan. We all embraced for a long time and I just kept trying to let them know how much their mother loved them and how she will always be with them. I then went to find my brother who assured me that she went peacefully. I was so relieved and comforted by the fact that she was finally at peace and no longer in pain. Most of all, that she was with her Father in Heaven.

Through this entire ordeal I came to the realization of how truly exceptional TL was. She has hundreds if not thousands of people who love her, adore her because of her loving and accepting nature and zest for all that life had to offer. She touched so many lives and those people have in turn touched me. Thank you to everyone who was there for her whether in person or in spirit. To everyone who helped and loved TL and her family every capacity.

TerriLyn, thanks to you most of all for being you - a beacon of brightness to all those who met you.

Love you,

Ash

vlog-a-rooney!

soooooooo remember that one time i said i was going to tell you about my vlog? well this is that time. actually, its not because i'm super duper tired. however, i am posting my latest video for your enjoyment :)

more on the vlog to come tomorrow as well as my thoughts on Pride and Prejudice.

wooooo!