*lovies*

I've been in a really good mood lately. I've been hanging out with old friends and meeting new friends the past few weekends. I've been out having fun and living my life! How joyous is it to be living and enjoying your life? And I mean really, truly enjoy it. It's the bestest!

In celebration of life, love and happiness I would like to introduce you to the things I love.

Enjoy!

i love...

our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ

i love...

holding hands

i love...

babies

i love...

laughing

i love...

freckles

i love...

cloudy days

i love...

elephants

i love...

salt lake city

i love...

rainbows

i love...

puppies

i love...

naps

i love...

cake

love,

ash

this has been a pretty tough week

Daylight savings time started. 'Nuff said.

I was exhaustified all day on Monday.

Tuesday was the day from hell. All the crazies decided to come out and play. And leave rude voicemails on my work phone.

Today I scratch my eye. It hurts. A lot.

So, I need a pick me up. Like this. Enjoy!

sunday experience

One of my goals that I wrote for the new year was to be more active in church. I love the gospel. I love the meaning and direction it gives to my life. I love the happiness it brings to me. I love the freedom it gives me.

I however have not been attending at all this year... until today.

You see, this very strange thing happens to me every Sunday. It's like every time I wake up on Sunday every little insecurity I have ever had hits me with like, 10x the force it would on any other day. However, If i get ready for church it's like 100x worse and I end up lying in my bed crying because of how horrible i feel about myself. I change into and out of at least 5 outfits, feeling like every single one of them makes me look like I weigh 1,000lbs. I don't feel even remotely pretty enough to show my face anywhere - let alone church. So i end up huddling in my pajamas with a blanket wrapped around me on the couch hoping that no one comes over and sees the hideousness that is me.

This sort of thing isn't like me. Yes, I have my bad days where I'm not feeling as confident but never, ever, EVER to this extent. I can't even begin to describe how debilitating these thoughts are that I have on Sundays.

Anyway...

I miss church, I miss feeling the spirit and listening to the wonderful lessons and talks that are given. I know that satan tries to stop us from doing what we are supposed to do. So last night I decided that no matter how crappy I feel I am going to church.

And I did. I got ready this morning with the nagging sense in the back of my mind that I was too ugly to go. Too gross to be seen. I sat down on my bed before I left and prayed to Heavenly Father to give me the strength to go. The confidence to hold my head up high and and know that I am beautiful and loved and accepted. And to know that I belong at church.

I said my mantra on the drive to the ward house and while walking across the parking lot. When I got to the door I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and walked in.

Church was amazing. Never once did I have any feelings of inadequacy. I was filled with the spirit so many times throughout relief society, Sunday school and sacrament meetings. I felt good. I felt alive. And the best thing yet was that I was finally able to take the Sacrament. It's been close to a year since the last time I partook of the Sacrament. It's amazing how much I missed it.

This was such an amazing experience for me. One that truly testified of the power satan has. But even more so, the power that our Heavenly Father has to vanquish any fears that we may posses. He is all knowing and all powerful. And he loves us.

~Ash

oh so you are alive

It's true, I am still amongst the living. I know you all were so very worried about me :0)

What have I been doing you ask?

Well now, lets see...

The Olympics have been on and I do love me some Olympics.

It pretty much rules my life and everyone around me simply because no one has access to the TV at night.

Needless to say my mom was very happy when they ended.

I however was not :0(

My love is speedskating and short track though I have become quite a fan of snowboarding after Shawn White's truly amazing run!

Apolo Ohno = awesomesexymanmanofawesomeness

*~*~*~*~*

I bought a new phone.

It's a blackberry.

Not too sure if I like it yet.

I miss my google phone even though it was craptastic.

*~*~*~*~*

I saw my niece perform in her school play twice. They did scenes from several of Shakespeare's plays and sonnets.

Gabby has some serious talent!! Man I love that girl!

*I apologize for the crappy camera work*

She's not in this one but I love it anyway!

*~*~*~*~*

painting by Doug Hyde

I went on my first date in like a bagillion years.

It was good.

I had fun but I felt super awkward.

I usually feel super awkward around people though so it shouldn't have been a big deal.

but it was.

I liked him.

A lot more than I wanted to.

Not that he's a bad guy, cuz he's not. not even close.

But just cuz it's my first time back in the swing of things after a ridiculously long hiatus.

But yeah. I liked him.

Don't know if he liked me though.

Hmmm.

*~*~*~*~*

Oh the winner of the giveaway was Ellen who just happened to set me up with my date.

I believe she and her hubby enjoyed the cookies immensely.

Hey Ellen?

You're welcome :0)

*~*~*~*~*

I splurged and bought these. I love them so much it's not even funny.

*~*~*~*~*

I found my dream wedding dress.

Why was I looking at wedding dresses?

Because that's what I do when I get bored.

I plan my dream wedding.

And no that is not weird.

Or crazy.

Isn't it gorgeous?

I swoon every time I see it.

Dress made by Bridal Bliss Designs

*~*~*~*~*

I wanted to murder an employee who fell asleep during training. Twice.

And then blame it on me when I confronted her about it.

I didn't though.

I let her go instead.

*~*~*~*~*

I volunteered at the homeless shelter for the first time on Friday.

It was a lot of fun actually.

Very humbling and moving experience.

I loved it!

Except when that guy came up to me and smelled me. Not once, but twice.

freaky.

*~*~*~*~*

The bane of my existence this past week has been this:

Its a baby blanket I've been working on for my friend Susie whose having a baby.

I know it's not the best blanket ever made.

Mainly because I only know two crochet stitches.

And I haven't crocheted a single thing for the past year.

And it's only the second blanket I've ever made. But it's the thought that counts right?

So yeah.

I'm never going to make a blanket again.

Until I do.

*kloveyabye*

life is like a box of chocolates...

...you never know what you're gonna get.

True that Forrest. True that.

Today while at work I started thinking about how I'm going to be turning 25 this year. Well, I think about it a lot actually. It's not that I think 25 is old, because I don't. It's just that I don't feel like I should be 25.

I was trying to explain this to my co-worker La Cheryl over our joint cubicle wall when suddenly I was bombarded with tons of IM's and shouts from people around the office threatening me with bodily harm for thinking 25 was old (I never said that, just so you know). I vowed to all of them that I would never have a conversation in the office again if this was the result. Then we all laughed. My ploy worked :0)

Anyway, what I mean by all of this is that I had planned to be at a completely different place in my life when the big 25 hit. I had a 10 year plan darn it! It was a very nice plan that I really, really, really wanted to happen.

According to my plan, I should have been married for 4+ years by now, having finished school with a double major in History and French and a masters in Education. I should be teaching High School students right now. Wowing them with my knowledge of Medieval History and instilling a love of the French language in them just like my French teacher in high school did with me. I should be newly pregnant or at least trying to get pregnant with my first little baby. I should be planning a beautiful life with my growing family.

That ladies and gents is what my life should be like... if plans work the way they're supposed to.

Life however doesn't adhere to plans. Unless of course it's God's plan.

No matter how much I crave that little baby right now or wish for the comfort of a forever love I know that right now, this is where I'm supposed to be. I still have a lot to learn and a lot to work on before I'll be ready for the gifts that Heavenly Father has in store for me. I am so thankful to Him for knowing me better than I know myself.

I'm sure most of you don't know this but I was engaged when I was 18. I was head over heels in love with this man and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I was willing to do anything, and I mean anything, to be with him. And I did. I changed who I was. I changed my values for him because he came from a different world. He came from a different lifestyle that he didn't want to give up for me. So I gave up myself for him.

The Spirit told me that I shouldn't be with him. Every single time I saw or spoke to him I always got the clear command "No, don't do this. You should not be doing this".

"Pffft", I thought back, "how do you know what I should be doing? (stupid, I know) I love him. We have such a strong connection and have since the beginning. How could this not be right?"

Luckily, I had a Heavenly Father who cared more about me and my well being than I did. The relationship soon ended. I was crushed but eventually came to the realization that my life would have been horrible had the relationship continued. I cannot even begin to tell you how grateful I am for that divine intervention because, even though I'm not where I wanted to be at this age, I know I am where I'm supposed to be.

I am happy.

I have lived a good life thus far.

A life that I wouldn't trade for the world.

So, even though you never know what you're gonna get with life, at least you know it's gonna be good!

Yeah that was cheesy... yet awesome.

*kloveyabye*

PS

Have I mentioned how baby hungry I am? Yeah, it's getting pretty ridiculous. I wish I lived near more people with babies. Then I could just steal a few for a while like Alexa did.

PSS

Tomorrow is the deadline to win some cookies made by yours truly. Just post a comment!